Friday, November 30, 2012

Church and the community

Im sitting here recapping on how last nights Harvest party went at our Church last night...It was well just plan awful! first let me tell you what I had planned then ill tell you why it was so awful.

I attend the Bethel Nazarene Church and I work with the teens. We decided to put on a Harvest party and make it more like a safe trick or treating spot for children ages 1-12. We Had the church set up so that no one entered the sanctuary because thats just hard to clean. So, they come through the front door and get a goodie bag which has a track, pumpkin poop, a few pieces of candy and a couple of toys. Then they get their picture taken and head down stairs to do a craft which where magnets and bookmarks with pumpkins and crosses on them. then they go across the hall to throw balls at pumpkin cans and they get a treat if they win or loose. Then its up the back stairs to the kitchen for a duck game, bobbing for apples and donut on a string! The duck game gets a prize according to what color was picked and the apple and the donuts where the prizes for those games. A teen was at each station to hand out candy and to help with the game. I worked in the craft room and my mom was the photographer with help from a church lady to get address for each kid...

Here is how it went...
Dawning is our only child in the church and since shes mine she was the first! Though we took her picture first we waited on the games. We opened our doors at 4pm and started coming around 4:30ish. And the two that came I babysit for and they came from West Paris to have a fun time. I took them through the church along with Dawning knowing she would love to play with her friends. when they left another little girl came in she didnt want a picture so we went to the craft room. All the while her mommy was telling her that they should really get going if they wanted to go to other houses. Needless to say they only made it to the craft room. Her mom took her out of there like the church was on fire! After that the kids started pouring down the streets. A big group came to the church and we told them we had games and treats and pictures they wouldnt even come to the door. After 10min of people just going by we decided to just hand out the goodie bags and bring the duck game and the bobbing for apples outside. No one bobbed and I dont think people picked ducks. There where some people that wouldnt even come up and get the bags we had to bring the bags to them.

I was hopping to have lots of kids and so much fun! I was hopping to run out of goodie bags and know that next year I needed to plan for more then 70 kids...Now I know that I need to plan for not inviting people into the church rather bringing everything to the door. What I dont get is how the people in my little town have come to see the church as something to run from. This tells me we do not go into the community enough to know that we are safe and friendly. I just need to figure out how to do all that. I do have to say that I was very disappointed at how last night turned out. Being pregnant on little sleep and very emotional I was crushed! On the bright side though 70 children including my own walked away with a piece of God from the tracks we put in the bags and the little toys that were in them as well. They also know we are there.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Potty training...again!!

I have decided that not only is our little Dawning ready to potty train but so is this Momma! I have been told that once little Hope comes Dawning may end up in diapers again but I am ok with that. I think if i don't get angry with her when she starts to have those accidents then it will only last for a short time...then again I could be wrong and it all depends on the child right?

Well some of you know that we have really started training this week and we have picked a week were we are at my moms all week!I babysit close to mom and since we only have one car and my hours run into the Hubby's hours and moms willing to drive us down the street that's what we do.

Monday--I made sure our house was nice and warm and then we stripped Dawning to nothing and pulled out jelly beans daddy bought her the day before. We fought like crazy to try the potty. Oh and Saturday Mom and I went to the Walmart in Gorham NH and found thick training pants (cloth ones!). Anyway, she did however finish pooping on the potty once and tinkled on the potty twice! That was all before lunch. We did have a few messes to clean up but that's to be expected. We did use three of her new undies and went back to the diaper for nap and then we headed out the door to my moms so the diapers were on for the night.

Tuesday--A babysitting day. We packed the clean undies we had and a few diapers just in case. Since I babysit out of our house I don't like her to run around naked more for fear of her peeing on the furniture then anything else. before we left moms though we tried the potty and then wore a diaper over to our friends house and changed into undies when we arrived. We did very well on trying to use the potty. We did so well because Dawnings little friend is already potty trained and they peed together one on the big pot and one on the little pot. The girls thought that was great fun! We also peed in the three undies we had so I did some of there laundry and threw in two of Dawnings undies too. She then peed in those and we needed to go back to diapers for the rest of the day. No success on the potty today.

Wednesday--A day a Nana's all day! Dawning woke up dry! Nana didn't like her in her house with nothing on either so we used undies (I washed all six of them when she went to bed Tuesday). Actually, we started using the undies which she peed in. I had put on Facebook that we were starting to train and several people gave me a few tips. I also read a few article's online to get some more tips. Mom had had the chance to get to a store so I had her grab some special juice to help flood Dawning. we started off making her try to potty. I tried to run the water, I put warm water on her privates to try to help. I finally went with just telling her to use the potty and stopped making her. That was what worked!!

We had two success on the potty! I told her that she needed to tell Momma when she had to pee and she did then I would say go sit on the potty! and she would run and miss...she peed on the floor both times but only a little and it scared her both times and she tried to run from it. I grabbed her and got her on the potty and she finished there! The second time was better then the first. When she went down for a nap she woke up early cause she had to pee but I though it was her just fussing and got to her to late. I did put a diaper on for nap. She does a really good job at holding her pee. We are really working on knowing when she has to get to the potty and how to make it come out. I have no idea on how to help her with that. We also ad youth group Wednesday night so she was put into disposable pull ups and never peed on the potty at church. She did try though. When we got back to Nana's it was late and since I had already put her in a diaper (in hopes of her falling asleep on the way back) she was all ready for bed. We sang a few songs and I left. She did her normal scream for a bit and then she got hysterical! I went in to calm her down and when she was calm enough to talk she said "I pee, I pee" so we tried to pee on the potty but she had already gone in her diaper. Back to bed.

Thursday--Babysitting day! I got Dawning up earlier today in hopes of getting her to use the potty before we left. She refused. I put her in a diaper for our short travel down the road and when we arrived changed her. She was dry! It is now 8:45 and she is still dry and has tried to pee twice!

We or should I say Dawning is going to get this! Of course this Momma is very proud! and sad at the same time. I don't know who told her she could grow up but it certainly wasn't me! Because I am also pregnant crying seems to be what I like to do as I think of my baby girl being a big girl! At the same time though I would love a short break from diapers before little Hope comes along.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

An emotional Rollercoaster!

I may complain just a tad in this post sorry to those that read it.


This week I am about 26 weeks along. When I was pregnant with little Dawning I don’t remember feeling the way I have been feeling lately. Not only am I bigger with little Hope (this is the meaning of her name) I feel like she is going to come out the wrong way! I don’t mean breach or butt first but rather through my stomach. I feel like I am carrying around a giant bowling ball.


I have not really slept in about three days and part of this is because I’m pregnant and can’t get comfortable (even with a body pillow), the other part is because Dawning is teething. She has been teething for two months and this morning one tooth finally popped through. That was after a very long night of tears and snuggles from both this momma and her new favorite big bird (that she stole from the church). Tonight has been the same thing. Except I think she has a very bad headache to go with her teething pain. Nothing momma or daddy tries to do is right. She’s so attached to momma that daddy has to get things for us.


To add to my little bit of sleep my hubby is sick. With this sickness that he has (just a cold) he is moaning and groaning throughout the nights. I have told him to shut up...Not that he remembers any of it. My poor husband also has picked this time to start going back to school! I am very proud of him don’t get me wrong. He is sick, working full time and trying to take for the next 9 weeks now two classes.


I am trying hard to be that most amazing supportive wife...yet I’m finding myself a tad jealous and a tad frustrated with him. I would love to go back to school! I hate that I failed at it. Well I didn’t fail I just failed to complete it. I feel frustrated with him because I try my hardest to do everything I can to make his life easier and now I don’t seem to have any energy to get out of bed. I feel the need to start looking for work again...There really is nothing that I can do as a stay at home mom without leaving my house. If I go back to work everything I make will just go to day care.


I really don’t know what my problem is. This has been my one and only true dream! To be a mom to be the one my kids run to when something is wrong. To give hugs and kisses as needed even if it’s just because they want one. Why is it then that I have this feeling of needing something more? Why do I feel as if I’ve failed in some way?


So to the topic of this post, I have had random burst of energy and have rearranged my house. I have set up the nursery to the best of my ability at the moment (it is also my pantry…it’s a very small room). I have moved my living room and dining room to the opposite rooms and have started to organize Dawnings in a way that she can play throughout the winter without been right under foot. I have helped stack wood and do outdoor clean up to prep for winter. Then the next moment I feel dead to the world and all I want to do is sleep or even just watch TV and not do anything (including taking care of my little girl).


Then of course there’s my anger that seems to come out of nowhere! Dawning can just look at me wrong and I’m yelling. We have had so many battles this week of her just saying momma Momma and I’m telling her to stop and go away and that I don’t want to hear my name again. Of course when I get this way (and even now just writing it) I want to cry. She hit me in the nose yesterday I yelled at her and told her it hurt…She of course doesn’t get hurting others yet and laughed at me. I passed her off and told her to leave me alone. She cried…I left the room to hide and cried too.


The worst reason I’m not sleeping is because my nightmares have come back. I read in the Baby magazine (not sure of the name of it) that pregnant women have dreams that go by what they are to expect when their kids come…Why is it then that I am having nightmares of not Hope getting up every hour or crying nonstop but that she’s dead? Why am I dreaming that I go into labor right after my hubby dies? How do these dreams help me face what Hope is going to like? Is God trying to warn me of something? Is the devil just getting into my head and is trying to tear me down for whatever reason?


Tonight my hubby is doing home work. Dawning is teething that nasty tooth or teeth of hers and is not really sleeping. I thought that I would work on my Sunday school lesson (I know way to put it off). I don’t even know what my problem was but I started to cry. The thing is I wasn’t sad or mad or happy…yet I was crying and laughing at the same time! The tears came first the laughter came as I tried to hide my tears from my hubby.  They poured down my face.


What is wrong with me? Is it just that I’m pregnant or am I going to run right into that awful disease my brother and sister and my daddy have? Can I raise two little girls with that disease? Am I just so tired I can’t function right?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Late tears...

It's been a little more then a month since my Gram passed away yet today when I was going through my things to sell in a yard sale this weekend my tears came. My hubby hates clowns. He thinks they are creepy, but I love them! I have been collecting them for years. Every since my Sissy (big sister) told me that I couldn't collect porcelain dolls like her.

As I was going through my things I came to my clowns and remembered how Grammy used to give me one almost every Christmas. several of them have never been out of there box. I also found some of the things I started to get after my cousin died my Senior year of high school. Things I forgot I had. I had to take a break so I could hide in my room and cry.

I will only be selling a few of my clowns but the ones I know for sure Gram gave me are staying for now at least. The  few things I found that remind me of my cousin are the Grinch things and we will be putting those up every year for Christmas.

I have yet to visit my Grampa since the funeral...I just cant go to the house and not have Gram sitting at her table. I don't even know if I can scrapbook anymore. I need to for my girls. The few pages that I did at my house I was so excited to  bring and show Grammy what I did and get her praises on how well they where. I miss needing to help her cut out things from the cricket so she could put them in a scrapbook or a card she was making for a friend or family member.

I'll be able to move on soon...I've gone through this with others before I just didn't look up to and visit them as often and so close to their last days.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Baby number two is....

We headed to Auburn today to find out what our new baby is! We picked up my mom then headed on our way. We stopped for a bit at my hubby's moms (we were early). We decided to take our little Dawning with us. Two times ago we took her to a normal appointment to hear the baby's heart beat and she screamed the entire time! We were a tad worried she'd do it again but she also had her Nana and her Grammy-meme to keep her entertained.

We got there and went to the wrong lab, so we got new direction and head to the right one. I was told to have a full bladder to make sure they could get good pictures. I told that to the Ultra Sound lady and she said well lets see I got all gooped up and she got to looking and informed me that I did a great job at filling my bladder. Off came the goop so I could empty my bladder and then we started all over again. I was also told that my ultra sound would take 45 min! None of Dawnings ever took this long. Yet she was right!

She took her time looking at everything! She found a few of my body parts and all of this baby's! This little one has two kidneys (my family has a few people that only have one), there is a beautiful heart! We saw it several different ways all four ventricles exist! and the flaps (baby brain I forgot the names of them) are all working! We saw the spine in length and several angles from the skull. There seems to be one very healthy happy little child in my tummy!

I am sure that you are going crazy wondering what we are having and I'm taking my time because we almost didn't find out! She forgot that we wanted to know! so here are a few pictures of what we got to see then I will tell you what this little one is.

The ultra sound lady said this child has beautiful long legs....

The Feet!! Oh I have to say Dawning loves her toes! every night we snuggle and listen to some music we usually spend the first song talking about her toes. When we saw this baby's toes I got excited so that Dawning would focus. "Toes! Dawning look at your baby's toes!!" Dawing got so excited and looked at the screen and yelled "Toes! oooh Toes!!" over and over so we got a good picture of the toes.

Look at my baby! BEAUTIFUL!! Oh another really fun thing that I didn't see with Dawning was while we were watching the screen the baby punched me. I felt and saw that little arm move! I loved it!

My younger brother taught my Sisters oldest boy to do the alien peace sign thing, I remember it being a really big deal so when I saw this little one do this all I could think was wow my baby can do it in the womb! I made sure to share this with my little brother.

Alright so what everyone is waiting for....We are having....A....Girl! Honestly I was crushed to hear this but as the day went on I'm getting excited...The problem is that we keep thinking its a boy and picking out boy names and then...its a girl! Which is exciting I just keep getting all worked up thinking its a boy. Then again the way a baby goes from this tiny egg and is formed and molded into this beautiful little creature is just amazing in itself! Just knowing I helped with that and feeling this little girl inside of me wiggle and kick and punch amazes me.

I love that shes hitting hard enough for others to feel now. I cant wait for Dawning to feel her and understand even more. Today she was giving the baby raspberry kisses (we call them zerberts we got that from The Bill Cosby show). She just cant stay on my tummy long enough to feel a movement. She was showing her Auntie where the baby was (and my belly button another favorite body part!) she was kissing and hugging her baby it was so cute.

Before bed tonight instead of talking forever on her toes I told her she was going to be a big sister to a sister! I asked if she was excited (mind you its an hour past bed time) and she said, "nooo" I told her that the baby was girl just like her. I asked her if she was a girl and she nodded yes then I said and the baby is a girl too. "Nooo," she said. I am sure she doesn't get it all but she will if we keep talking about how exciting it is to be a big sister to a sister!

Our biggest problem now is to find a name! we do luckily have 5 1/2 more months to find one! phew! Personally, I would love a little that looks a bit like this momma! Not that daddy looks bad or that our Dawning is ugly cause shes is absolutely beautiful and looksjust like daddy, but I think one kid looking like momma wouldn't red hair (black would be fine!!). Though I will definitely take and love what God gives me. I don't think God minds a little bit of hints of what we would like though....Of course He knows what we will love! God is so good! This child seems healthy and that's the most important thing I want! I can't wait to share this bundle of joy with everyone when she comes.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

A new relaxing hobby!

I decided I was going to make a baby blanket for our new little one. Not knowing what it will be I decided to use mutual colors, so I went with red, white, and black. Babies see those colors first. I wanted a simple pattern that wouldn't be to bland. I didn't want a strip pattern I have tried that and failed to much work for a beginner sewer. I looked online at pictures of baby blankets and found one I loved...It just happened to be a strip pattern. I decided I was going to do it anyway!

I went shopping and this is what I found for material.

I got help from a my very good friend who is much better at sewing on how big each piece should be to make it just right. I started cutting and then sewing my projected.

In the main pattern I used the solid red and black and then the fun white, red, and black pattern. The  music is the border (I got help from my mother-in-law for that). The back is the red soft minky material.

Here is the final project!



I also decided to make my little Dawning a blanket but for a big girl bed! I am still working on it but the front is finished and the back is all one material so it will be a simple thing to picture I think.

Here is the material for her blanket.

Little Dawning's favorite color is yellow and she loves ducks! Because her blanket is so big and I'm so new at this I did a simple square pattern. The ducks and the yellow fleece I used as a boarder and then made a pattern with the other materials.

This will be the back.

This is the same material as the new baby's blanket yet blue. This is the softest material I have felt When we went shopping for the back of her blanket I showed her the blue minky and a yellow one. she hugged the blue one.

Here is the front of her blanket (don't mind the edges its not finished).

I have very much enjoyed working on both the kids blankets! I have a feeling that this Dawning's blanket is a bit bigger then a twin size. As I worked on her blanket she got so excited that it was difficult to pin the rows together because she wanted to sit on it and help pin it. She even got pricked a few times and still wouldn't leave them alone. I want to make more! Maybe my next big project will be one for our bed!

Friday, August 10, 2012

Potty training...

Potty training...At the beginning of the summer our little Dawning was excited to use the potty. She knew how to tell if she needed to pee as long as she was naked. Then life happened and our focus stopped being on useing a potty to taking care of my siblings. Now I fear that Dawning has lost her intereast in the potty.

I cleaned my living room today and decided I wanted to try again. I am tired of diapers...I know I have a second one on the way that will be in diapers but im goingto try something different with that one. Anyway, after the living room was cleaned including a washed floor we rewashed it another five or six times because of accidents...and no peeing on the potty. She tinkled on the potty then got up and peed on the floor. I finally had it and put her in a diaper. Almost good timing because she pooped. Not a mess I like to clean up. she napped and then we tried again.

While she had supper I put her on her potty with a tray in front of her. She PEED! and has been sitting on the potty often since. I got so excited and showed herwhat she did and got hugs and high fives! She also got very excited and almost put her head in her potty to see what she had done!

Goal: have Dawning potty trained before the new one comes.
Reality: Once a day on the potty will do just fine for now!

It's not that im so tired of diapers. changing them and cleaning them really dont bother me its the diaper rashs that shes getting. I feel like she has a new one every other week or so.